Top 5 annoying feminism-isms

I consider myself, broadly, quite a liberal person. I'm an atheist, a sceptic, a secularist, a vehement anti-racist, I read the Guardian, hate the Daily Mail and I am against recreational hunting. However, there are some things on which I hold a Conservative position. For example: I'm patriotic, I like tradition, I'm against gay adoption, I'm against extreme political correctness and I'm indifferent to global warming. I also dislike feminists. They have always bothered me, and it's not so much their views (although I do consider them wrong), but more the way they go about expressing these views. Anyway, I thought I'd make a list to express this dislike: my top five irritating feminism-isms (not an actual word, but it should be.) Enjoy!

5) "You go girl!"

There is no phrase in the English language that makes me cringe more than this. It's almost exclusively uttered enthusiastically when a woman has got one over on a man, or when a woman proclaims her independence:

Angry Lady 1: "I've just dumped my cheating bastard of a boyfriend. I don't need men anymore, I'm a strong, independent women! (ugh)"

Angry Lady 2: "You go girl! Who needs men anyway?!"

Angry Lady 1: "I know, men are pigs!"

It's just so patronising and artificial. "You go girl!" It's like giving encouragement to a child who's just learnt to stand up to bullies.

4) Females in sport

Feminists always say that the way men exclude women from certain sports is unfair. Now I'm all up for women's participation in individual sports and softer team sports like netball, baseball, volleyball (ideally, beach volleyball) etc. I'm also happy for them to participate in traditionally men's sports such as rugby and football, as long as they don't waste television airtime (I watched the ladies FA Cup final last year; truly unbearable) and don't waste public money trying to go professional when it's not viable (as the ladies Premier League is doing).
I am not, however, happy for females to get involved with the men's game. I've heard two female commentators and both were screechy, repetitive and constantly squealed feigned excitement. It effectively ruined the games. I also recall a female refereeing a men's game at Conference level. What's a player supposed to do if he disagrees with a decision? He can't exactly shout at her or get angry; she'd give him the silent treatment for a start. Females just take the passion out of the game I'm afraid.

Also, there is the theory that team sports are tribal and replace war. Therefore society prefers men to participate in them. So there is some science in this argument; it's not just me being misogynistic.

I realise this bit is probably more sexist than anti-feminist, but hey-ho.

3) "If a man sleeps with lots of women, he's a stud, but if a women sleeps with lots of men, she's a slut."

A slut, according to Google

Another clichéd quote. There is a perfectly good reason for this: because the man has to do all the work! Just as you'd praise a man for having any particularly sought after skill and putting it to good use, surely it's reasonable that a man receives some congratulations should he have the skill to persuade scores of women into bed.

Females, on the other hand - what do they want congratulating for? All they have to do is decide whether to sleep with the man or not. That's it. Not difficult if you ask me.

Let me put it this way - if somebody is born with a silver spoon in their mouth and has everything given to them on a plate, then they are seen as spoilt and greedy (the 'slut'). On the other hand, if somebody has everything they want because they've worked hard for it, they are admired (the 'stud').

Or, to put it an even better way: "If a key opens many locks, it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by many keys, it's a shit lock."

2) "Pornography is degrading to women!"

A classic feminist argument, and one of the most illogical. On the one hand, feminists argue that a woman should be independent and in control of her own body. On the other hand, they think that a woman making a choice to have sex on camera, effectively taking advantage of men's sexual appetite and making money from it, is exploiting them. Well make up your mind. Should women be independent and thus allowed to do as they please, or should they hide their bodies for fear of exploitation (sort of like the grotesque Sharia Law).

And correct me if I'm wrong (as I, of course, know absolutely nothing about pornography...), but aren't there men in porn films as well? You know, I think there are! Well where's the masculist movement against the exploitation of men in porn? Oh that's right, there isn't one. Because they get to have SEX with beautiful people for MONEY! Why can't feminists think like that?

1) The belief that women can fight nature

If you've made it this far, congratulations! You now get to read the proper, serious argument against feminism! I can literally feel your excitement.

Men and women are fundamentally different from birth. Women are more emotional and better at communicating, which is why they far outnumber men in jobs like social work. Men have better mathematical skills and think much more logically and clearly about things, which is why they outnumber women in high pressure jobs. This has nothing to do with sexism, these differences are all naturally determined by brain formation.

As well as psychological differences, there are also obvious physical differences; men are much bigger and stronger than women, so are more suited to heavy lifting.

So bearing all this in mind, why do feminists get all up in arms if they find out a particular area of work is not exactly equal between men and women? I always hear complaints about how the business world is male dominated; surely that is completely logical given the aforementioned advantages men hold over women (logical thinking, better with pressure etc.).

I also hear a lot complaints about inequality in the military, how women should be able to fight on the frontline. Again, men's natural advantages mean we are infinitely more suited to fighting. Not only are we physically stronger, but men have a higher pain threshold and there are also fundamental differences in the way we handle stress. Men employ a fight or flight response, releasing large amounts of testosterone, where as a woman releases large amounts of oxytocin, inducing calm and nurturing feelings. I think it's obvious who you'd rather have on your side in battle.

These advantages also explain why there are more men in positions of power. I know what you're thinking: "well that's just because the world is male dominated." But that's exactly the point; men dominate. That is surely a major factor in leadership qualities, to be authoritative and assertive. Again, nature dictates men's roles.

Now we've established that men are better suited to most forms of work and fighting, what does that leave women? You guessed it: child rearing. Apart from the aforementioned female traits (communication, emotion etc.), there is also the well known maternal instinct. Women feel a strong love and connection with their child, fostered during the foetus' time spent in the womb, and during breastfeeding. Now I've seen some strange men in my time, but I don't think any can provide that.

This is why, ideally, the male should work and the female should raise the child. If a couple feels it would be better the other way round, fine. There are obviously cases where people are better suited to the opposite gender's natural role. However I would feel uncomfortable in a society which goes against biology as a social norm.